Your vomit is the wrong color

If you've ever painted a room in your house you've probably been amused by the paint names as you considered your options in the local Home Depot. Pensive Sky, Blushing Apricot, April Mist...who comes up with this stuff?

After receiving Squadron's latest 20 percent discount offer and paging through their new products (looking for something that's actually in stock) I stumbled upon Vallejo Vomit Special Effect.

My mind immediately pondered a number of random thoughts and musings:

• Is there someone who actually needs this color?
• If you need to portray vomit, what's so hard about mixing the color yourself?
• I've never actually seen a diorama in which a figure is vomiting.
• Can a single color adequately represent all forms of vomit and the countless variations of vomit contents?

I Googled Vallejo vomit and was surprised to discover a number of other weird colors in their line, such as Filthy Brown, Plague Brown, Parasite Brown, Charred Brown, and Scrofulous Brown. Mind you, the irony of so many gross variations on the color brown is not lost on me considering my last name is Brown. And yes, I admit I had to dust off my dictionary to learn what scrofulous means!

I also found that the wargaming paint manufacturer Citadel produces a number of similarly grotesque colors: Dead Flesh, Snot Green, Bubonic Brown, Scab Red. I guess these are targeted at the zombie enthusiasts among us and those of you modeling 14th century soldiers.

What made me laugh the hardest was finding Smelly Primer (yes, that's the actual name), from Citadel. Brilliant! Maybe it's just me, but if a primer isn't smelly I question its efficacy. Isn't that why everyone loved Floquil's grey primer? Or were we all just too high to realize we had other options.

I've shared my thoughts here about how lazy we're becoming and I've wondered why some people can't seem able to paint what they see, but finding Vallejo Vomit makes me think we're past a tipping point where craftsmanship has been replaced by paint-by-number solutions. Should I vomit in between my laughing fits at the hilariousness of these colors or should I just paint of figure of me vomiting?